Our kids are human, too: 5 ways to treat them like an equal

Before traveling for work recently, my 5-year-old son and I had an intimate conversation about my time away. I explained to him slowly how long I’d be gone, where I’d be and when I’d return before he interrupted me with a simple, “I know all of this already, Mama. I also know you’ll be gone three sleeps longer than normal, which is a long time.”

He tilted his head back as if to take it all in, and stayed there for a while before reassuring me with his big little hand on my shoulder, “I will think about you, and you will think about me. It will be okay.”

Amid the fast pace of parenthood, it’s easy to forget that my child is not less than me. Our children are capable of so much. But, we don’t always see it. Sometimes, we only see our efforts to raise them instead. We see the exhaustion of managing, scheduling and maintaining the day-to-day that we miss their competency. We think they are able because of us, when, in so many ways, our strength comes from them.

Beginning at conception and continuing through birth and growth, their courage and exhibition of self is always a delightful surprise. The simple ways in which children communicate joy, the honesty in their voice and the vulnerability in their questions leave us with a newfound love for who they are becoming, right before our sleepy eyes.

Instead of superiority, our children need to feel that we trust them, that we believe in them, and that we see them as equals. Child-rearing is a partnership between parent and child and we should realize the beautiful human being who not only wants to be just like us but is already like us, too: Learning and living and growing, every single day.

How can you treat children more like an equal?

Here are five ways, mama:

1. Treat your child as you would like to be treated.

What makes a relationship meaningful to you? When you’re overwhelmed, overtired or in need of support, what or whom do you seek? When you’re feeling celebratory, whom do you choose to participate in the joy with you?

Children need companionship the same way we do, but we tend to blame their need on adolescence as if they need our care and direction, not a supportive friend.

In times of learning, we also talk at the child, exasperated in what surely has been told one hundred times, but does it help you when someone talks down to you? What words will resonate with you instead?

The way in which we engage in loving, respectful relationships with an adult friend is possible with a child. They feel everything from us, sometimes before our dulled senses feel them ourselves, and when you show the child how much they mean to you the way you would do for a friend, they feel that, too.

2. Include your child in your plans.

When making decisions about your day, big or small, ask your child for their input. Thinking about dinner or planning meals for the week? Ask your child what they’d enjoy. Can’t decide what to wear, which book to read or where to go for lunch? Watch as your child revels in the inclusion of your choice.

Also ask your child for help in daily endeavors, like cleaning the house or yard work, and be mindful of asking for his participation in activities that might be above what you think is his level of ability. Help your child to believe in himself!

3. Offer choices to show an interest in their opinions.

Along with asking for their opinion, afford your child the space to make decisions on their own, ensuring that you’re supportive in whatever those decisions may be.

Sometimes, when we tell children what to do, they begin to relinquish their own power of choice, not even realizing it as an option. Instead, remind your child that we all have choices in our lives, and how we choose to respond to those choices is what strengthens us.

Give options. Instead of saying, “Do you want to go to the park today?” Ask, “Do you want to go to the park today or to the library?” Near bedtime, ask the child, “Do you want to take a bath first or put away your laundry?” At dinner, “Do you want to help me rinse the dishes or put away the dishes?”

Yes or no questions imply hierarchy, whereas choices signify an interest in the other’s opinion.

4. Think less like a superior.

If we treat children as if they know less than us, our minds will always approach and speak to them as if they know less than us. We will subconsciously speak above them, not even hearing ourselves the condescending tone in our voice. Instead, empathize with a child’s perspective.

When I speak with my son, I am aware of the intuition and honesty he bears that is purer than me. He sees things differently than I do and with less of a filter than I have, so who am I to speak above him or tell him how it is? His perspective enlightens me, and I wonder how to learn from him every single day.

And, to think less like a superior is not to act less like a superior. We are responsible to our children and must always be acting with their well-being in mind. Our actions show that we care for them and love them deeply. May our thoughts show that we revere them in that responsibility, too.

5. Pay attention.

Be less mindful of what we think children need and more mindful of what they are showing us they need.

Ask your child more questions and make eye contact. Come to their level, and once you’ve finished asking questions, ask if there is anything else they would like to say.

Children do always surprise us, with their willingness, tenacity, concentration and awe for the world around them. Our children want to participate in all of it, and perhaps if we gave them the autonomy and equity to do so, they would show us that they can do it, too. This is their big world, too.

As published in Motherly.

Professor uses video to advocate for female scientists

A couple years ago, a college student in Nebraska named Erin took to Flipgrid to talk about Alaskan brown bears. 

In a breezy 90 seconds, she broke down how climate change is affecting the food webs that bears eat. They used to eat fish in July and August, “because that’s when there are the most fish in the river,” Erin tells us, and then they’d eat berries come September, when the berries would start to grow. 

But because temperatures in Alaska are slowly getting warmer, bears are now eating the berries first, in July and August, which means there are too many salmon fish in the river, eating more food and making it harder for other fish to survive, she concludes.

And tenth graders in Germany are still talking about her video. 

Erin was taking a class on climate change with Ramesh Laungani, a biology professor at Doane University in Lincoln. To help his students better understand the content, he asked them to explain in a Flipgrid video scientific research papers – not for themselves, but for K-12 students around the world.

“If you can explain a concept to a seventh grader, you understand it, right?” says Ramesh, who also teaches classes in conservation biology and has training in plant ecology. “So a few years ago, I just put the call out on Twitter, saying, ‘I’m going to have my college students make these videos.’ 

The first year, he connected with a local school in Nebraska as well as another in Florida. But, the following year, he was making connections with K-12 schools all over the country and even worldwide, including a military base in Germany who was tickled to have exposure to American scientists. 

“The fact that these students are learning new science and learning about things they didn’t know existed, that’s the game,” Ramesh says. “Even if they go home and sit at the dinner table to say, ‘Hey, Mom, I learned about these bears and climate change,’ that now expands the reach of my students’ voices into dining rooms and living rooms of those families. Me being a scientist, I wish there was a way to quantify it, of course, but I can say for sure that’s transformative for me.” 

Ramesh is an impassioned scientist. If you’d like, he’d walk you around his campus to quantify the standing carbon stocks in the trees and soil – he’d give you hours and days and not miss a beat – but he also just wants you to enjoy whatever it is you’re interested in, and he wants his students to know that anything is possible. 

Ramesh has spent years beautifully humanizing the fascination of science, and his endeavor to create videos for K-12 students not only helps the college kids better grasp the textbook, it also helps them more easily talk about science in a way that is comprehensible, enjoyable and engaging. With his encouragement, they cut the jargon, explain it simply and are left empowered to learn more.

“Scientists oftentimes are characterized as bad communicators,” Ramesh says. “I’ve seen those who are unaware of the audience they’re trying to connect with, and that puts up all these barriers for the audience to access the science. 

“When I give my students that communication training, I’m able to evaluate a deeper level of their understanding. I can identify misconceptions easily because you can hear hesitations in their voices when they explain a topic, and you can’t identify that hesitation in a written response, right?”

Alongside tackling the ways in which we talk about science, Ramesh is keen to unveil the many ways we can work in science, too. 

A few years ago, a teacher in Rhode Island asked him on Twitter to make a Flipgrid video talking about his job. Months later, he was still creating weekly videos for her students that included open-ended science questions for them to chat about. By the end of the school year, he paraded his phone around campus introducing his colleagues so the students could learn about other types of scientists out there. 

“To me, there was an opportunity to help students understand just how diverse science could be,” Ramesh says. “I think students think of a biologist and have a picture in their mind that they work with animals or in the lab, but I’m always fascinated by the scientists that exist!”

Today, he’s still introducing the many different scientists in our world with the #1000STEMWomenProject, a platform that gives women 90 seconds on Flipgrid to explain their job and perhaps encourage a young student to consider something beyond just biology. 

“I want kids to learn about a reproductive neurobiologist, a cosmetic chemist or any other sub-discipline and realize that it’s something you could be or do,” Ramesh says. “And the motivation for the scientists is that they get that same practice as my students – explaining their science well and in a concise format.  

“That skillset takes practice, right? But both with the STEM project and my students, those connections happen through conversation, and it works. We had a seventh-grade girl who, at the end of a video we made about giraffes’ necks, said, ‘You know, I never really liked science, and I was never really good at science, but you got me interested now.’ My tear ducts were empty for six months! 

“I played that video for my students and said, ‘I want you guys to think about the impact you are having on students in classrooms wherever these videos are seen,’ ” Ramesh concludes. “As college students, you think about this as an assignment, but you have an impact well beyond the walls of this classroom. And that’s all empowered by Flipgrid.”

As published for Microsoft Education.

Students excel in technology to make friends worldwide

In the cold snap of January two years ago, empowered by the fresh start of a new year, Nathalie Mathieu took a risk. 

For a private school teacher in Dijon, France, big change is a big deal, but after ten years of teaching English to high school students, she decided that her classroom and her entire perspective on teaching needed to look a little different anyway. 

“I had no choice,” says Nathalie, who also teaches higher education alongside her 100 English-learning students. “I was feeling great – I loved teaching and I loved my students – but I knew exactly where I was going. I was feeling too comfortable in giving the same kind of teaching for 10 years, so that’s when I knew I had to let go of everything and learn something new.” 

But for Nathalie, change wasn’t just for her. If anything, it mattered more that the risk was a collaborative effort with her students. So when she was introduced by a colleague to Microsoft digital tools to use in the classroom, she immediately looked to her kids for approval. 

“I spent weekends over several months learning about Teams, OneNote and Flipgrid,” she says. “But I was discovering them at the same pace as my students. We were learning together. I was completely honest and just said, ‘You know what? I’m going to try something new with you, and we can help each other. You can tell me if you like it or not, and I’ll tell you the same,’ and now we’ve all become more self-confident because of it.”

Nathalie says the students continue to surprise her with how well they use these tools in the classroom, and she’s also surprised with just how deeply they needed the invigoration. 

“I have to be learning new things, so we don't get bored in class,” she says. “You will face obstacles along the way but stepping out of your comfort zone is a great, great thing to do for both the teacher and the students. I have completely changed everything about my teaching practice.”

Making New Friends From Anywhere

Nathalie respects how difficult it can be to switch toward a different teaching method. Change is scary, especially when what you’ve been doing works. But on the other side, Nathalie is anew. She’s wild with enthusiasm when she shares how her classroom has changed, where she’s been and who she’s all met. Both she and her students have friends across the world.

“We’ve had such a great adventure with GridPals,” says Nathalie, who completed a couple different projects this past year with a high school French class in Ellicott City, Maryland. “Her students first chose topics like sports and holidays, then Mrs. Ghezzi had the idea to start a topic on America and France in a Box.” 

The students would talk about which objects they could put in a box that represented their country until the American students decided to send an actual Christmas gift box to their GridPals in France.

“The reaction from both the students on her side and on mine when we received the Christmas boxes was really great, just such an awesome experience,” she says. 

It’s a moment that continues to be matched, day after day, because Nathalie asked herself what’s possible. 

“For us, Flipgrid is not just about learning how to speak English, it’s learning about the culture of another country and sharing feelings of joy with students and teachers who are living thousands of miles away,” she says. “This has been so much change from what we’re used to doing, but so rewarding from the very beginning.”

As published for Microsoft Education.

In school, culture matters more, says teacher in Ohio

It’s a chilly Friday morning in the fall in Columbus, Ohio. 

For “Buckeye Nation,” this means there’s a football game tomorrow. At school, the students are wearing their scarlet and gray, the “Buckeye Battle Cry” is playing on the loudspeakers in between classes, and teacher Randall Sampson is marching down the hallway with his fists up. He chants loudly, “O-H!”

The students bustle around him. You can hear the shuffle of their feet, their lockers slamming shut and that squealing team spirit chatter. They respond to him immediately, “I-O!” 

Randall repeats himself – this time maybe walking a little faster as he bobs through the happy students, cupping his mouth with his big hands, raising his chin and deepening his voice – “I said, ‘O-H!’ ”

“I-O!” They cheer back. This goes on for at least a minute more, until each student retreats to their next class with a big smile on their face. Randall’s smiling, too. 

College football means a lot to families in O-H-I-O, but for Randall, those Friday mornings aren’t about the chants or a fight song or what you wear to school. It’s about the experience for the kids. 

“Every day’s not going to be peachy,” says Randall, who’s been in education for nearly 20 years. “But at the end of the day, these kids aren’t going to come back to talk about the Pythagorean theorem lessons they learned. Their best memories are going to be about the people who love them. 

“So tell me, what do you truly believe in? Your content? Or your culture?” 

Randall was raised in Pretoria, South Africa, where he spent his days around family dinners, going to church and playing with his cousins. 

“Everybody has a life story and a pathway they follow, and, for me, experiences were very rich,” Randall says. “I had family. I had people. We’re all a tight-knit community, and we played like kids do. Regardless of how difficult any situation might have been, we had that human connection, and those positive experiences far, far outweigh the negative.” 

At the age of 8, Randall and his family immigrated to the United States, where his mother would work as a nurse in Ohio. He remembers flying into New York City, when he awoke to the pilot on the speaker, “Ladies and gentlemen, look out to your left window. There’s New York City.”

“It was like a storybook,” Randall recalls. “I woke up, I looked out, and you could see the Statue of Liberty. I got out of that plane as a kid and I said to myself, ‘I’m here. Let’s go. Let’s make it happen.’ ”

Years later, the stars are still in his eyes, and his ambition fires more than ever. Randall is the kind of educator and the kind of human that changes people. 

For years, he worked both as a teacher and as an administrator for K-12 in the Columbus school districts. Randall was the one who knew everything about the kids, asking about families and initiating conversations in the hallway. He would sit with the students during in-school suspension, order them pizza and not let them leave until they felt loved, cared for and good about themselves, no matter what.

He would pass around a WWE wrestling belt as a reminder that all students are capable of success, achievement and support, and he was the teacher who showed the teachers what it meant to respect others, merely by being himself. 

“You got to be the person who takes some kind of action,” Randall assures. “So that’s what I do.”

Impact on students is ‘a long game’

Today, Randall owns Liberty Leadership Development, where he coaches teachers and studies data to close achievement gaps and boost graduation rates. Always with a keen focus on human interaction, he reminds fellow educators of intentional behavior and caring relationships above anything in the classroom.

“I always want to show folks that you can make an impact, but it’s a long game,” he says. “It’s like running a relay race. If I’m a fifth-grade teacher, I’m going to give those kids as much as I can during my time with them, but then I’m going to trust that my colleague in sixth grade is going to take the baton and keep running. 

“We’ve got to keep mentoring all the way through and building culture all the way through – truly honoring every kid, connecting deeply with every kid and empowering them.”

Not only did Randall grow up in Buckeye Nation, he played college football himself and then coached young kids every summer through the NCAA, so he knows the value of working together, and he sees the same system of success in education. 

“We’re very optimistic here – we got United States ambition! Big games, big hopes, but sports really do teach us the value of teamwork,” Randall says. “Every play in football, for example, is 5 or 6 seconds, but then you get 30 seconds in between, and those 30 seconds are about communicating the plan, executing the plan, holding hands and everybody aligning. If somebody tells you you’re misaligned, you’re okay with that. You want to shift and make it right for your team, right? 

“So what are we doing in education if we can’t tell a teacher, ‘You need to realign’? We need to always be checking in with each other, leading by example, believing in our kids, and we need to be here for the right reasons.

“What does that look like for you?”

Meet Rhode Island educator

Luis Oliveira arrived in the United States from Portugal at the age of nine. 

At the time, he thought of himself as a pretty good student. He was eager to learn and excited to start anew. But then he arrived to his first day. 

“I went from doing a really good job in school to having no confidence and feeling like I was stupid,” says Luis, who now teaches English language learners in Rhode Island. “And the reason I felt this way was because I couldn’t verbally express myself.” 

Luis recalls a math class in which the teacher was going over times tables. She had different problems up on the board and was asking the class for answers. 

“A lot of students were struggling,” he says. “I knew the answers, I just didn’t know how to say it! I was so frustrated that I got up and went right to the board to just write them down myself. I learned English pretty fast after that.”

Years later, he remembers that child vividly as he guides his students today. 

“Just because a student isn’t able to communicate does not mean they don’t have anything to say,” Luis assures. “We just have to find a way to bring their voice out.”

Advocating for Students, Teachers and Families, Too

Luis has been teaching at Middletown High School in Wickford for nearly 30 years. As a former Spanish teacher, he now works with English language learners alongside his role as an arts director, covering electives for the district and offering help as a tech coach for teachers as well. He discovered Flipgrid about three years ago during a professional development session. 

“I fell in love with it instantly because, right away, I saw how it could be used with my English language learners.”

His students responded likewise. 

“With English language learners, they don’t want to stand out,” Luis says. “They don’t want to be in front of the classroom until they’re comfortable with the language. But Flipgrid allows them to record in a quiet place alone. They can stop and record again, delete and start over until they feel comfortable enough, eventually giving them the confidence they need when they do have to finally get up in front of the class with everybody looking at them. I remember what that was like getting up in front of my class before I was ready.”

Luis says it’s the oral learning that has prevailed because he’s given his students an opportunity to see for themselves what they can achieve. 

“My students never believe they are showing improvement, so I use Flipgrid’s MixTapes feature all the time to say, ‘Look! In September, you were doing your video completely in Spanish. You couldn’t even speak in English. But, three months later, your videos are all in English!’ The proof is in the video.”

Luis has been training teachers, too, and even helping families acclimate to new technologies amid remote learning. 

“For many of these children, their families work in the restaurant industry, and, in many cases, restaurants are closed. Even under the best of circumstances, they are at a disadvantage,” Luis says. “So I have a phone log. I make a lot of calls to parents and deliver hot spots and laptops. I reach out in any way I can. I’ve been using Immersive Reader so families know where to pick up grab-and-go lunches.

“There were folks who did that for me a long, long time ago, and it’s why I got into education. We just have to think outside the box to fix any problems our kids are facing, so that’s what I do.”

Luis is resourceful, warm, persistent and kind. He empathizes with his students in a way that helps them feel a confidence in themselves without even knowing yet what’s possible. They keep going because he keeps going, and that little boy from Portugal should have known those steps toward the chalk board were for the millions of other children like him to follow.

“I am always thinking of the students’ needs and helping them where they’re at,” Luis says. “I am a very strong advocate for my kids – for all kids.”

Educators ‘co-pilots for life’

Early on in their marriage, Omar Lopez would walk into the garage to find his fishing lures color-coded. Again.

His wife, Fely, would then sneak around to tackle his office desk next, organizing paperwork and color-coding his folders there, too.

“I wanted to ‘fix’ everything for him!” Fely says. “I would organize his classroom the way it was perfect for me. And I’d be so excited and proud, like, ‘So, do you like it?!’ And he’d say, ‘No, no! This is not the way it goes!’ So now, I’ve learned to appreciate his own way. At least my desk is still neat!”

They smile at each other so big, her small hand on his big shoulder, with all the inside jokes and fond memories over the years and a respect for one another that could rule the world. 

“She’s linear and very organized, and I’m more abstract,” Omar says. “She sees long-term, I see short-term. Everything has to be just right for her, where I’m like, ‘Okay, it’s going to get done, but slow it down.’ Our energies are very different – she’s literally jumping all over the place, I’m more reflective – but we complement one another perfectly.”

With all the affection and all the passion anyone could muster in a day, Fely will get your attention, and Omar will make you stay. They are two fellow teachers in La Joya, Texas, who have been married for nearly 20 years, and if you’ve yet to meet them, any student will tell you this is true: Their love – opposite personalities and all – will inspire you to love that big, too.

Co-Pilots for Life

Omar and Fely met in an English class at a community college. Fely had recently moved to the United States after completing her education in Mexico, where Omar had grown up until age 10. After a year of dating, they decided to marry. 

“We told our parents on a Sunday night, and we got married Wednesday of that same week,” Fely says. “When we decided to get married, we had nothing. We only had money saved for a wedding dinner for our parents, and we didn’t even have a table for our apartment. Do you remember, Omar?” 

He nods slowly and warmly. “It was a folding table and folding chairs,” he says. 

“But we were super happy with it! And we worked very hard,” Fely adds. “We had my outline with all of our goals, and we accomplished a lot, little by little. We’ve been co-pilots ever since.”

Today, they are both educators at Irene M. Garcia Middle School, only a mile from where Omar grew up. He teaches eighth grade, and she teaches teachers as an ESL strategist. They both lead with empathy, warmth and, above all, passion.

“We have a lot of emphasis addressing the ELL population, because we see a lot of what we struggled with ourselves as far as the challenges,” Omar says. “We always start by looking at the strength and the value of each student and just help them do better. We know that everybody’s got something to contribute.” 

The Motivator and the Enthusiast

Fely speaks emphatically about the importance of building relationships with students. She addresses them as her “mi vida lindas,” jumps onto the tables to share her enthusiasm and looks up to them with a kind of confidence that leaves them all feeling invincible. 

“I remember my first year of teaching, my mentor said to me, ‘You’re not supposed to smile to the kids. They need to see you as their teacher,’ but I’m always super excited about teaching!” Fely says. “Unfortunately, a lot of these kids don’t see that smile at home. So, I think that affection and advocating for relationships is our responsibility. If you don’t love your kids, they’re not going to learn from you.”

“She will do anything possible to give these kids what they need,” Omar adds. “She’s passionate. She loves unconditionally, and there’s not a single student who doesn’t feel that.”

For Omar, Fely says he’s the motivator, the former coach who arrives rationally but always with the goal in mind. 

“I’m the crazy one, I’m the dreamer, but he’s very Zen, and the kids see that,” Fely says. “He has this ability to read the kids right away and to teach in different learning styles because he knows that not all of your kids learn the same way. So he adapts, and everything is about teamwork. 

“I will observe Omar talking to the kids as if he were on the field – motivating the students but from a very realistic point of view,” she adds. “He brings that Friday night football atmosphere to the classroom every day, and it’s beautiful.”

Of course, that teamwork exists at home, too. They both completed their master’s degrees while raising children and are now eager to get their doctorates together. Whatever kindness exists in their teaching, it began in the home, and it’ll end there, too.

“We’re always helping each other, pushing each other, pulling one another up and sharing ideas, but we do this for our children,” says Omar of their two boys. “It’s always about showing our kids the value of hard work, family and togetherness. Everything we do is together, but I can’t see it any other way.

He says it sweetly, with absolute conviction, and without breaking a glance from Fely, his co-pilot for life.

NYC’s The Met features educational resources

When Skyla Choi comes to work at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, she likes to visit the Water Stone most of all, a small Japanese-inspired stone fountain created by American-born sculptor Isamu Noguchi. 

As one of the last sculptures he created in 1986, water emerges nearly invisibly from a dark basalt rock and into a fountain bed made up of light stones from the Isuzu River in Japan. It’s also the only kinetic object in the entire museum – an opportunity for passers-by like Skyla to find some calm in the trickling water sounds. 

“The Asian art gallery of the museum is always really busy, like a condensed version of New York City,” says Skyla, who began at The Met as an intern four years ago and now works as a studio manager today. “All around you, people are walking and talking, phones are going off and tours are going on in adjacent galleries. 

“But when you walk by the Water Stone, you get a moment of serenity – you have to pause and just connect and breathe with it for a little bit, and it is so special.”

As part of her work today, Skyla helps to build MetKids, a beautiful, thoughtfully-curated digital feature that gives families anywhere in the world that same kind of sensory experience with the thousands of other calming works on display at The Met. 

With a hand-drawn interactive map, instructional videos, fun facts about art and projects to try at home, MetKids is inspired by and created alongside 7- to 12-year-olds eager to learn, explore, tell stories and create. 

“Whether it’s with school, their parents or babysitters, there are so many kids in the building all the time,” Skyla says. “Our story time is the hottest club on the Upper East Side! So we wanted to create a program that made the museum a welcoming, comfortable place for children. We want kids to look at the artworks and feel empowered to talk about whatever they are seeing!” 

Over a year ago, The Met was one of the first organizations to partner with Discovery Library, bringing the intimacy and nobility of a 150-year-old museum to classrooms and dinner tables around the world. 

Today, The Met has brought over its MetKids content to create over 120 Topics in Flipgrid, featuring stories of infamous portraits and sculptures that spark a newfound compassion for history. 

Students worldwide have spent over 300 hours of their time learning about mummies, “lucky dragons” in Asia, parades in Babylon and Judy Garland’s rainbow shoes. 

And they’re learning something new. Whether they’ve taken pictures on the grand staircase with their families or have only heard of the museum from afar, educators and students are participating in a century-old tradition of honoring time and cultures, and they’re reveling in the exploration. Art introduces itself to everyone differently, but it does intrigue us all. 

“Traditionally, The Met has a reputation of being an austere institution that was only meant for people who have art history knowledge,” Skyla says, “but our digital content has the opportunity to reach people beyond our walls, and our audience is so curious! 

“Every visitor comes to see their favorite artwork like they are visiting a best friend, and we can track that kind of popularity and then tell stories and launch videos based on those interests. Our audience is so eager to learn about more than just what they see.”

As published for Microsoft Flip.

On servanthood in parenting

I enjoy tending to my children.

I like to organize their socks, hang up their shirts, and cut up their apples just right. I’ll make their bed and tie their shoes and bake cookies just so they can lick the spoons clean. I don’t mind another book or another song at bedtime, and I’ll rub their back, tuck them in once more, and give them the last-minute drinks of water they need.

Because of this aim to please, it was difficult for me to first learn about Montessori. Although I was enthralled with the empowerment and freedom it could unleash onto my children, I felt anxious and melancholy, too. Motherhood is so fleeting and priceless, would I be losing even more time with my sons? If I were to help them pursue their own paths of independence beginning at birth, would we disconnect along the way? Would they not need me?

As I dramatically grieved all this devotion I wanted to give them, I realized that my parenting was distorted. I was tending to them, sure, and that still matters, but it was all for me.

I continued down this consideration of selfishness, and it only became more clear. When I made the beds and folded the laundry and put the socks just where they needed to be, did that please my child, or did it please me? When I sang another song or baked a double batch of cookies, did that make them a happier child or me a happier me?

To love our children looks many, many different ways, all of which belong to me and to you and to all families across the world. That kind of love is sacred, and if you fold the socks and snuggle a bit longer, that is yours to judge or not to judge at all. It simply is your love. But if I am to follow my child, to liberate him and free all the capabilities within his body and his life, then I must include him in my own thoughts of my own well-being. I must ask myself, “In the long run, will this benefit my child, too?”

I also realized in this dramatic consciousness that much of my parenting was immediate gratification. It pleased me to help my child zip up his coat and get us out the door in time. It pleased me to squeeze out the toothpaste or pour the milk instead — at least I’d avoid a mess that I’d only have to clean up later. But did it please my son? Does that kind of servanthood help him thrive?

To be a parent is like a servant, tending to a child’s needs and assisting whenever we see something is amiss. But not to serve can be exhausting! It is easier for the parent to step in and take care of the messes and write the thank-you letters ourselves, for we can ensure it will be done and it will be done as we see fit, but I believe this is where we lose the child for all he is able. This is where the child will feel inadequate, and only the parent will win.

Montessori speaks to the valiant importance of observing our children so patiently that we forego the intense desire to step in. “Like the astronomer who watches the stars swirl by,” she says, “it is necessary to observe and understand it without intervening.” As the adult, we know the answers and we can fix it and let’s just move on here — but because Montessori remained so connected to children in silence and in faith over 100 years ago, we have children today who believe in themselves more fully than many adults ever have. We have adults who are patient and understanding, humble in their work and giving to others, because someone like Montessori believed in them when they were two years old.

Because of Montessori, we have hope.

And so I try to think about my parenting with my child actually in mind. We don’t rear children because it makes us feel better about ourselves; we raise families because we have faith in humanity and desire for our children to affect positive change and help people and live a beautiful and happy life, right? So, will making my child’s bed make my house look cleaner and make me feel like a better parent? Sure, and there’s concession in that, too. But would inviting my child to participate in his own life instead be an opportunity to foster a growing independence that will help him serve a bigger picture? Could it strengthen who he will someday become?
Yes. The answer is always yes.

As published for Guidepost Montessori at Higher Ground Education.